Under the Wire

First, I'm starting to have to concede that Hadrian maaaay have reddish hair (I haven't gotten on board with calling it all-out red though).

Second, I'm up late watching a live feed of the lunar eclipse because the entire South is clouded over and had a niggling suspicion that I may not have written two posts this week.  A quick google and so it was.

So I'm sitting here with one hour left in the week to write something quick and come in under the wire.

It's nearly the end of the month and I've begun batting around a bunch of theme options.  There are too many things I want to improve about myself and my life, it's hard to just pick one small thing to focus on for a month.  Hard to prioritize what should come first or what would be best to tackle in October considering our schedule and the like.  I'll probably make it a last-minute decision, but then again, there's a chance we may be in Atlanta on October 1, so will have to decide a little earlier and isn't this the most interesting thing you've ever read or what??

Goals this week, completed but more or less coasted.  I've essentially hired an interior design consultant on a smallish job to give us some ideas about how to best make some really important changes at the beginning of our home ownership (aka, no regrettable paint colors or couch choices) and in ways that will make our slowwwww acquisition of furniture in the future less difficult.  It's kind of a huge relief since I don't trust myself at all in this area.  I can go to her with some ideas and say, "Seriously.  What do you think and also how do I do this?"  I think that's been a good outcome of all this brainstorming and pinteresting and reading and paint chip playing.

Weekly stuff, this month we finalized a bunch of stuff.  1) A Final Closing Date Contract 2) Mortgage Rate Lock-in 3) Mortgage loan application 4) Appraisal and early this week, 5) follow-up home inspection to make sure all small repairs were done correctly.

What I haven't been good on are the monthly goals.  I started the worksheet goal by printing everything out and having Paul do a bit from his end, but never got to mine. And the ArcGIS server issue I have just completely forgotten about.

In my defense, the last week was a little hectic.  I got called in for a second interview for the Mapping Supervisor position at the County, which was simultaneously great and terrifying and sad (my Hadrian!).  It was a fun interview so if anything, I can walk away with that.  And I figure that they'll find a great fit for them no matter what and I now have some good contacts in the County office building for future consulting or volunteering opportunities.  Win-win.  It also, however, sent me into an anxious spiral of dread about Hadrian and childcare options.  I...have so many thoughts about this and most of them aren't exactly super positive.  

You know that part at the end of The Golden Compass when Lyra and Pan are in the machine that's going to sever their connection and it's pretty much one of the most terrifyingly awful moments in literature you've ever read?  That is how I imagine letting someone else other than Paul take Hadrian from me for any amount of time.  I....just....I can't even...     And then I think about how in even as short a time as a year, he may be much more independent and may even want to be around kids way more, say even part-time, and I'll wish I had work then. So it would be absurd to pass up a job where I'm in on the ground floor as the lead of a new Mapping Department - it's not like that position is going to be coming around again anytime soon!

Gahhhhhhh.  Hadrian is my Pan, though!  You know??  He's literally part of me and I'm literally part of him.  We're made of each other!  It's unnatural, it feels, to be apart.  Incomplete and sad and empty.  What could be worth that?

Ooookay, I could keep going on and on and on and on about this and being very repetitive. So I'll just stop and go take a look again at the lunar eclipse live feed to take my mind off the little boy sleeping in the next room.

What a silly thing to write - my mind is always on the little boy sleeping in the next room.